Feel
by LaPaige
Summary: He's like her. He's trying to run away from who he is. Maybe that's why he's the only person in this goddamn world she's learning to trust. Cassie Centric.


**Okay, so I finished watching **Push** a few days ago and I really enjoyed it. I think the acting was amazing (I've always had a thing for Chris Evans ever since Fantastic Four, and I think Dakota is awesome), so I decided to write a Cassie Centric because her character really interested me. I don't expect any reviews on this, because I doubt many people that have me on their alerts have watched this movie, but if you do review/favourite, thank you so much. It means a lot.**

**P.S – The ending isn't strong. I'm sorry for that.**

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**Feel.**

She's four and she's pretty sure this is what terror feels like.

The two men she sees in her nightmare resemble baddies in the movies she watches with her mommy sometimes, and she shouts at them to go away and leave her alone, but it's not her they are here for. Her mom is yelling at her to go away and hide, but she's too scared to blink, let alone run. The two men are closing in on her mom and no matter how much she screams they won't stop.

"Cassie! Hide!" Her mother pleads, her eyes locking with her only daughter.

And then, in a flash, everything disappears.

She's screaming for her mom when she wakes up from that terrible nightmare, but it's too late. It's already started. Her mom rushes in to soothe her, asking what the matter is and why won't she stop shouting and thrashing about?

She doesn't tell her mom about that nightmare, because only bad girls have bad dreams.

---

She's six and she's pretty sure this is what knowing feels like.

Ever since that terrible night, something has been wrong. She doesn't know what, and she's only a child, but something isn't the same. Sometimes she catches her mom staring at her with an expression that looks like the one in her nightmare (worry), or people she doesn't know talking in hushed tones downstairs (but it's after her bed time, so she never mentions it).

The strange dreams go away for a few months, but on the day of her sixth birthday they come back. They vary, but mostly they involve her mother and the two bad men (she knows they are bad men, because they are taking her mother away from her).

Good girls don't have strange dreams; they play with their babies and play dress up. So that is exactly what she does.

She doesn't want to be the one who knows something is wrong. Though she's pretty sure her mom knows something too.

---

She's seven and she's pretty sure this is what horror feels like.

The men have arrived, and this time it isn't a dream. She's watching the television when they knock on the door and at first its gentle – a polite request.

"Mommy, why aren't you answering the door?" Cassie asks, looking up at her mom and smiling. It's most likely to be her Aunty Kathleen.

The knocking becomes louder, and suddenly she isn't so sure it's her Aunty after all. The television is flickering and the seven year old turns it off.

"Cassie, listen to me. I want you to go upstairs and I want you to hide, okay?"

And then she knows who is at the door. The two men that have haunted her ever since she was four years old – and they're coming to take her mommy away from her.

"No! Mommy, come with me! We can hide together!"

But if this is anything like her nightmare, her mommy isn't going to hide.

"I love you, okay? So much, Cassie." Her mom is crying and then there is a loud crash and the two men, those men she's feared for three years, hurry in. Her nightmare is unfolding and all she wants to do is wake up.

"Give him a flower! A flower!" Are the last words she ever hears her mother say.

And then seven year old Cassie is left alone.

--

She's eight and she's pretty sure this is what guilt feels like.

Child services try to find her, but Cassie's visions (nightmares) prevent any contact with people who will try and replace her mom. The visions (her mom had them too, it's a family curse in Cassie's eyes) used to only curse her in her sleep, but now they are more frequent and happen even when she isn't dreaming. Some things are simple, like how she shouldn't sleep by a certain stairwell because the police will find her, but other things are difficult to deal with, such as seeing people she's met in the street dying horrible deaths which she can't prevent (she's tried so many times but people don't like eight year old girls following them around).

Sometimes, but only sometimes, she can see the two men that took her mom away from her. They are running down streets looking for someone (_her?)_ or pushing frightened people into a white room. But she never sees her mother.

She doesn't understand many of her visions, and she just wishes they would go away. But maybe the torment will make her feel less guilty. After all, it was her fault her mom got taken away.

--

She's ten and she's pretty sure this is what loneliness feels like.

She hasn't got any friends (freaks don't have friends), and the social services finally caught her. She gave up after three months anyway, and she let them find her. That's what she tells herself. She's sent to a dumping ground (that's what the other children call it), and she doesn't hate it, but she doesn't like it either.

She doesn't speak much. Everyone had pretty much given up on her, and that's how she wants it to be. She could do without the sympathetic glances from the carers (she thinks they should change their title - they aren't very caring), though.

A few weeks after she joins the dumping ground she starts school. It's after summer vacation, so she's in fifth grade. She doesn't know anybody, and she likes it that way. Its better that they call her a freak because she's the shy new kid, not because they know about her visions.

"I'd like to welcome our new student, Cassie. I know you'll all be very welcoming. Would you like to tell us about yourself, Cassie?"

She wants to shake her head no, but the teacher's gaze is too much.

"I'm Cassie, I'm ten and I don't want to be here."

Her mom always told her to tell the truth.

---

She's twelve and she's pretty sure this is what confusion feels like.

Her visions are getting stranger, and she's taken to drawing them on a little blackboard she carries around. She's a terrible drawer, but she doesn't really have a choice if she wants to piece back her shattered life.

A flat, a man, a flower, an explosion. She doesn't know what it means, but she (attempts) to draw it anyway.

A girl, the two men, an injection, her. Maybe one day she'll understand.

The visions change slightly over time but it's always the same people. A man who looks about twenty-two, a woman around the same age, those two men (over and over) and her. But how does she fit in to the puzzle? And why are they all dying?

She's getting tired of seeing death every time she closes her eyes.

---

She's thirteen, and she's pretty sure this is a new beginning.

His name is Nick, she learns. He's being hunted by the two men, who turn out to be sniffers (that's how they found her mom). She's a watcher, and Nick is a mover. It's all superhero crap and she laughs at the irony because if she could be labelled (she can't), she isn't super and she's certainly not a hero.

He's like her. He's trying to run away from who he is. Maybe that's why he's the only person in this goddamn world she's learning to trust.

She acts like she doesn't care, but she knows he'll help her. Being a watcher can sometimes be a helpful thing.

Doubt is something she hasn't felt in a long time, so when he looks like he's about to kick her out, the feeling in her stomach is unexpected. What if he doesn't help her? Was all the trouble it took getting here a waste? Escaping from the dump she calls a home, running away and not looking back?

So she asks if there is somewhere to eat. She's paying, after all.

She doesn't tell him where she got the money from. Some things are better left secret.

He can speak another language; she realizes when he orders their food in native tongue. She's always wanted to speak Spanish, or maybe even French, but focusing on one thing is hard for her. That's one of the reasons she hates being a watcher. Focus and patience are not things she's ever been good at.

She can't help but feel excited as they are running through the market. It's the most fun she's ever had, and it makes her feel free. And then Nick nearly dies and suddenly it's not so fun anymore.

Nick is the key to finding her mother, so when he's dying all she can do is remember that night six years ago when those men took her mom away from her.

"Please, stop!" She screams, but her pleas fall on deaf ears (once again).

He recovers thanks to her mom's friend. Stitch. Cassie remembers her, but it's a memory that's blurred around the edges and she can only remember the woman's name and her red hair. She doesn't thank her because the woman makes it clear she's only helping for Cassie's mom.

It hurts a little but when she gives Nick the flower. It reminds her of her mom.

---

She's fifteen, and she's pretty sure this is what love feels like.

She promised herself she would never fall in love, especially with someone like Nick who is ten years older. It's stupid, and she knows that. Life isn't a fairytale (it didn't take her this long to work it out). He isn't a Prince and she's certainly not a Princess (what kind of Princess has multicoloured streaks in her hair?).

Kira loves Nick, Cassie loves Nick.

But in the end it's always Kira, because she's the same age and Nick has a thing for brunettes.

She's happy for them. Really.

_(She's always been a good liar.)_

---

She's sixteen and she's pretty sure this is what heartbreak feels like.

She told him. She _told _him that she loved him. And he just ruffled her hair (she's _sixteen_ not _five)_ and said "aw, Cass, I love you too."

Suddenly she hates both of them. Nick and Kira. The names stuck together make her feel sick. They can be happy together, so long as she doesn't have to be there to witness it.

She runs away that night, and she's certain they won't realise until the afternoon. She hopes they care. She hopes they worry and blame themselves.

It's their fault, after all.

She stays at a hotel, ignoring her visions and feeling sorry for herself.

It doesn't suit her.

---

She's seventeen and she's pretty sure this is what wishing feels like.

He's back, of course. He always comes back. This time he doesn't have Kira with him.

"She's gone." He says, and for a brief second she thinks he's going to kiss her, but he doesn't (it's better that way).

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She wonders when it got this awkward.

Maybe he's finally realized that she meant she _loved_ him. He doesn't mention it though, and neither does he. It's best that they don't bring it up. Cassie will probably deny it and he'll probably be rational and say it can't happen because there's ten years between them (and he doesn't love her back).

But he's back, and that's all that matters. For now.

---

She's eighteen and she's pretty sure this is what happiness feels like.

_**fin.**_


End file.
